Defeated

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel.... deflated? Like the balloon of promise about something that has been lifting you up for awhile, keeping you high above the drabness of your life just got popped. Ohhhh, that's me.

I have been researching going back to school for a few months now. I have it narrowed down to a couple of schools in New York and one in Boston.

New York School of Interior Design

Pratt Institute

Boston Architectural College

I am going out there in November and have been VERY excited about it. I can't stop thinking about the "endless" opportunities that a degree would offer me or give me a head start on. The knowledge and experience that an actual education in design would offer me. I have been wanting an adventure for the last year or so (please refer to THIS post). Wouldn't New York just be amazing to experience?? Or Boston even? I can imagine going to all these cool classes learning about colors, and drafting, and furniture and LAWD that just gets me all revved up!

Currently I work for a yacht building company and am an Interior Design Assistant. Obviously, this sounds like a great job. And, trust me, IT IS. Very cool working environment, great pay, "possibilities". However, for the last 5 months I have just been so bored. Not the whole time, but a lot of it. Because of my lack of actual experience and knowledge in design, I am left to run errands, return samples, write up select orders and general administrative duties. You know, like an assistant would do (I understand that this is my job and also that everyone needs to start somewhere). But despite that I am feeling really unchallenged and wanting more, still. I know for a fact that design is a passion of mine and I think I would be REALLY good at it given the opportunity. How do I get this opportunity other than going to school and proving that I CAN?

Coming back down now. Reasons that were brought to my attention (I had previously been just ignoring them or assuming that they would just you know... "work out")

1. MONEY. Hello, school costs a boat load, so does living in NY.... can I actually afford this? Probably not.

2. Friends. I have a pretty cool group of friends. I like them. We do fun and cliche stuff like trips to the pumpkin patch, preppy beach weekends, picnics in the park, etc. I love it. Why would I leave that???

3. Leaving a great job that I already have in a poor economy that has "potential" for advancement. Its true, so why would I leave?

4. Family. They are an hour away. No more going home for weekends. No more breakfasts with dad. Trips home would be more selective and infinitely more expensive.

5. Starting over. Completely. I mean, new degree, new city, new friends, new job, new finances, EV-ER-Y-THING. Completely different. I hate change.... why do I always bring it on myself.

I was you know... crying in the bathroom about the whole thing. Just felt a lot of self-doubt and worry and frustration. I was at work though so I got myself back together and went back to my desk and had a very reassuring convo with my good friend, we'll call her "J". She is currently going back to school for counseling and had these insights to give me. It instantly made me feel better: This was the gist of our conversation....

Me: I feel defeated...

J: Well here is a kinda pep talk. YES you know there are factors that make school hard. You figured out that without people telling you (etc rent, tuition, not knowing people), BUT, if it is a desire of yours, you take the bad with the good. What you need to do is (aside from what others say) sit down and figure out your pros and cons of going. After looking at them on paper...decide if YOU think its worth it. The other way you will get an answer is whether God opens/closes doors..ie. you get accepted to the school/are able to find housing etc. Sometimes he works through those scenarios to direct us to where we are supposed to go so be prayerful about it. I mean, we all want our friends opinions on things...but ultimately..you know yourself, your personality, desires better than any outsider.

She is right. She made me feel much better and reminded me to lay this one in God's hands. If it works out, it works out. If not...I still have the job I am at and life goes on.

more animals

Fall is my favorite season

You heard me. Fall is my favorite season. I am more gitty about it than spring or summer. Something about the air just makes me want to take a deep breath and savor it. Personally, I think that Fall and Winter are the most romantic seasons of the year. Maybe it is the cold factor and the need to be close to people. Or maybe because it is a time of traditions. And there is no better way to practice traditions than with someone special to you.

Here are just a few of my favorite things about Fall....

1. Cool days when the sun is out. Similar to that feeling of being warm in your bed but having the window open and your face feel cool. So soothing and cozy.

2. Fall leaves. So cliche but just.... LOOK at how beautiful this Seattle street is.

Photos courtesy of this site. Thanks!

3. Pumpkin. Spice. Latte.

4. Speaking of pumpkins.... I love fall for pumpkin patches!

Picture taken by my friend at our 2007 Pumpkin Patch Day

5. The changing of the wardrobes. All of my summer dresses, tanks, shorts.... go into storage and out come my winter coats, sweaters, and warm shoes. Here are a couple of sweaters I have been thinking about, but won't get because (single fist pump to the sky) I AM ON A BUDGET!

J.Crew.com

6. Holiday Movies. Here are my favorites:

7. The anticipation of winter coming. I love planning trips home, Christmas shopping lists, and seeing the ballet (The Nutcracker) at the Pacific Northwest Ballet with my grandmother. I love getting excited when I hear it is going to snow and anxiously looking outside to see if it is. I love planning ski trips with friends and the exhaustion felt after a good day on the slopes.

Classy Animal Art

I was browsing the 1st Dibs art section recently and noticed a pattern in what I was drawn to at the moment. Antique paintings of animals. Here were some of my favorites.

A Fine English Painting by Richards of ShiptonEnglish

Mid-nineteenth Century

G. Sergeant Antiques L.L.C

A Fine Whippet Portrait

English School

19th Century G. Sergeant Antiques L.L.C.

Antique painting of English hunting dog, signed Bailley

England, circa 1889

Floxglove Antiques

FOLK PORTRAIT OF A BULL, SIGNED L.D.D., 1885

American

Jeff R. Bridgman American Antiques

Duck Shoes

I seem to be on a shoe kick lately. I guess I am just getting ready for fall and preparing my feet to be INSIDE shoes once again. But, I cannot wait....

Topic in shoes today is what some call Duck Shoes. They are great for fall/winter days when it is rainy or muddy. They have that great classic outdoorsy style and I just love them.

Here are some examples. I chose the Navy/Tan ones from L.L. Bean.

L.L. Bean Rubber Moc

Tory Burch "Matthew" Duck Shoe - Nordstrom

The Berkley Penny Loafer

Hello All!

So in my last post I said that I had gone "shopping with me". Well I had success. In my job, I walk a LOT, because the job site is so big. So heals are not really a great option for me to wear on a daily basis. Plus, I am naturally drawn to flats more, but the flats I do own have seen better days.

ENTER THE BERKLEY PENNY LOAFER.

Oh, oh my gosh. I saw them at Nordstrom's and about died. It is hard to come across a "penny loafer" that doesn't make you look like a complete dork. And these were JUST PERFECT! And super comfortable. And not too expensive. And can be worn with or with out socks (argyle of course).

Oh, and I also found these at 30% off at Banana Republic. Yip!

On Loneliness

Today was kind of a lonely day. I didn't have any plans and I was not a part of anyone else's. So ya, it was kind of a lonely day. When days like these creep up on me it is a stinging reminder that I don't have someone special to hang out with whenever I want. It is a reminder that sometimes you will not be included in things and that friendships seem to change in the blink of an eye. That your forever friend, lives in Alabama unable to hug you when you need it most. But like each weekend that this happens, it is also a reminder of the importance of learning to be happy all by your self. So today, I hung out with "me". I went to the gym, with me. I went and got coffee (Pumpkin Spice Latte GOD BLESS YOU!), with me. I went shopping, with me. I ate lunch at Nordies, with me. And it was fine.

But, honest moment, I want SO much, for it to not be just me anymore.

"What I saw today"

There is this blog that I have been following called "What I Saw Today". It is similar to The Sartorialist (except for What I Saw Today does menswear only), but the writer actually SKETCHES what he sees. Here are some of my favorites that he has posted recently.

"Nelson in an Orange Leather Vest"

"Bow Tie #3. University and 12th Street"

"Why is it that European Men..."

("take a look that is so American - here a pink oxford shirt, madras shorts, moccasins - and make it look better?")

"Madras, White Pants, Top Siders"

My Preppy Name

Your Preppy Name Is...

Pemberton Chaplin Weatherley the Fourth But most people know you as Miffy

What's" Your Preppy Name?

I love this!! What is your preppy name??

PS. It is September 11, 2008. I still remember everything about that day seven years ago and will never forget....

Skills for Men

I came across an article from Esquire Magazine while reading this blog. I thought it was smart. I wonder if there is a list of "know-hows" that women should know...

Anyways, read here, and learn. My personal favorites are: 9,10,16,46,74

Cover of Esquire, June 1965

MOTHER CHUCKER!

Confession: I am completely obsessed with Gossip Girl. Here are my reasons:

1. The wardrobe. Oh my land it is UNBELIEVABLE! It is seriously just beautiful. My favorites are of course Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass.

2. The drama. While it is a little...over the top, it is entirely addicting and even my own mother, bless her heart, can not get enough of it. What do you think we did while I was home all weekend??? Answer: watch the entire first season.

3. That's it.

So the second season of GG started on Monday. And thank you LORD for my roommate who bought this GHETTO (!) set of rabbit ears (a TV ANTENNA PEOPLE!) for our TV. Because without her insatiable need to watch the Olympics, I would have not been able to pick up channel 11 and continue this guilty pleasure every Monday. Thanks ROOMIE!

Here is a link to an awesome and accurate recap of this horrid show. READ ME

And some pictures of my favorite fashions of the first episode.












(Oh, he makes me blush a little bit)


YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME!
XOXO, GOSSIP GIRL!

What if

I just spent a great weekend at home. The weekends are for slowing down and taking a break from work. My routines are halted (although I have weekend routines too) and my mind has a chance to relax and enjoy taking it easy. Unfortunately (or fortunately), I get a familiar feeling almost every weekend. It isn't dread anymore. It is just this mixed bag of longing for something different and this unsettled feeling inside my tummy. Since I graduated over a year ago, I have had this same feeling and it has yet to go away. This last year was pretty tough for me for a number of reasons. I am not one for change and just about EVERYTHING changed from graduation, to friends, to jobs, to where I live. After a couple of breakdowns (one in IKEA), flights to Alabama, and some loooooooooong talks with parents, I have now fallen into this numb walk.

For a long time I thought it would go away when I met someone and got on the dating, marriage, babies track. I am starting to realize that might be the worst thing for me right now. I woke up in my bed at home this weekend and was laying there for awhile, and this very VERY clear thought would not leave my mind. It was something to the effect of, "You cannot get married or get into a serious relationship until you have fulfilled this desire to experience something different". I cannot tell you what a relief that was to think that in my own head and for a minute take the pressure off of wanting to find someone... for a minute anyways.

To indulge myself and my lingering need to do something drastically different with my life I usually play the "What-if" game. For example, these are my "what-ifs" I have been pondering this weekend:

1. What if I moved home and saved money.
2. What if I used that money to travel through Europe.
3. What if I used that money to go back to school for design.
4. What if I went to design school instead of buying a house.
5. What if I went to design school in like, Maine or New York.
6. What if I actually applied to crew aboard a yacht and was paid to travel around the world?
7. What if I sold my car and biked to work.
8. What if I moved to an exotic location in like Whistler or Denmark, and had to figure out how to live?
9. I could work in a cafe and meet all sorts of interesting people and...
10. What are the odds that I will do any of this EVER?

British Racing Green

Someone pointed out to me that the letters in my new license plate sort of make up the word "Yacht". Or it just rhymes with "itch". Either way, here is my new car!